Frustrating Day

Today was frustrating.  Lylah is amazing in so many ways, but sometimes she can really stress out her mommy and me.  We have had so much going on around us recently as well.  Here is what we are carrying on our shoulders right now:

1. Shannon and I are both one week away from Thanksgiving break.  This is always a tough time of year at school.  We haven't had much of a break leading up to Thanksgiving (a day here, and a day there).

2.  We just moved to a new house and we came into the house with a nice solid savings account.  But somehow, our money has gone rather quickly.  We are trying to sell items that we no longer need in hopes to make a bit of it back.  We are hoping to save up enough money to purchase a new oven soon.

3.  I sold a washer and dryer today that was left in the home.  They were very heavy to take down, and I took a chunk out of my wall... ugh.

4.  Cleaned up a small leak that I caused in a pipe the other day.

5.  We are still moving so many boxes, and other items, into the house.  It seems to be dragging on.

6.  Lylah is in the middle of a phase where she does not listen to the things we say.  Even though we may repeat some things several times, she is choosing to do whatever she wants to do.  Grumble.  This happens A LOT.

7.  We have several concerts coming up in the next few weeks.  Concerts are stressful.

8.  We want so many things for the home; however, see number 2 above.

Anyhow, Lylah and I did go down to the playground earlier today and had a blast.  We played magic games, and we ran around.  We went down the slide together and laughed.  I suppose those are the things I should be focused on.  But then again, to live fully, I think it's in my best interest to accept the great things in life, as well as the hard times.

Buying a house

Welp,
We are officially buying a house in Georgia.  As Shannon says, "Now we really live here!"  The most amazing thing about our new house is that it is located just down the street from where each of us work.  I think my total travel time, including dropping off Lylah, will be about 10 minutes.  And Shannon's travel time, including possible traffic, will be about 10-15 minutes as well.  We both really love the house.  Here are some pictures of it!

Routines and soccer

Although we have secured our routines, Lylah still likes to play and try to venture away from them from time to time.  She forgets to do something in the routine (AKA, brush teeth in the morning on the weekend, etc).  Weekends are also reserved for soccer games (on Saturdays), and playing games with mommy and daddy!

Here are some pictures of her playing soccer!

We're Back!

Hello all!
We are back to the blog.  We took a little break.  Life stuff happened.  We moved to Georgia, Shannon and I got new jobs, and Lylah has been growing like a weed.  I just saw an old video of her singing her ABC's before we moved here (2014, I think):

And here is her saying her ABC's today (Daddy messes up on purpose, just for fun!)

We also went to Disney this summer!

Lylah's Kitchen

So, Shannon got Lylah a play kitchen for Christmas this year.  I just put it together, which, by the way, is a challenge to my putting stuff together requirement of being a man.  Those little play sets for kids you have to put together can be a real load of work.  Whew.  It took me about an hour.  And then tomorrow, I will probably be putting together her play place outside!

But putting it together was worth it!  Lylah immediately went to it and started to pretend doing stuff! First, she cooked me a little meal.  I didn't want to touch the pan she brought me because it was 'too hot!'  So she brought me a bowl.

But I was really impressed when I asked for water.  She walked over to her kitchen, got a cup, put it under the fridge (where the water would come out - it's a lot like our fridge), and delivered me a pretend cup of water!  I was blown away!  She must have seen us getting her water there.  But what impressed me more was that we haven't gotten her water from that thing in over 2 weeks now! We have been out of town.  She knew exactly where to get it from though!

Challenges and Opportunities

Today was a day of opportunities and challenges with Lylah.  Really throughout the entire day she was in a strange mood.  She whined a lot today.  First she wanted things to eat after her meal.  She may be in a growth spurt, so I provided some healthy choices.  She had cereal, and a banana and a half.  Then, later, she was whining when we wouldn't let her go outside when she wanted.  We told her our expectations for going outside, we weren't going to do it because it was too cold.  But she kept insisting over and over and over again.  Eventually we had to ignore her because we weren't going to bend.  Eventually, she got the point.

Then we went out to eat at a family restaurant.  We had Mexican food with the family, and Lylah was whining after we got there too.  We provided her with most of what she wanted when we got there!  She got milk, chips, salsa (she likes spicy food! Weird!), and queso.  I think she was whining because she wanted a little bit of mommy and daddy's soda.  She didn't get any.

After several loud whining's, and a stern warning, we had to take a time-out in the van.  She just wouldn't stop.  I explained why we were taking it and had her apologize when we were done.  When we got back into the restaurant, she showed several signs of improvement (quieter, less whiny), but she still was whiny.  We attributed it all to just a tough day for her.  She was whining off and on all day.

The opportunity came when I read an article yesterday about opportunities to teach.  You can teach a child during just about any moment.  We try to explain things around Lylah every time we speak to her.  We use normal phrases with her now, but incorporate simple things into the conversation.

During our reading time tonight, I read the words on the page, but also took time to explain most things on each page.  We read Dr. Seuss', "Hop on Pop."  There are many colors as backgrounds in this book.  Just about every page, we pointed out colors.  She hasn't perfected it yet.  She knows her colors, but is getting them a little bit mixed up.  I think colors is the next subject we are going to re-enforce with her. She is getting great at shapes, and speaking better sentences each day.

As we were leaving the restaurant, I had a daddy moment.  Some sappy song had just started as I was looking back toward the door.  Lylah's grandpa was walking Lylah out and I suddenly had a vision of Lylah walking down the aisle.  It was a small moment and made me smile.  She is just starting to speak now, but one day, she will be a grown woman.  I saw a woman through an nearly 2 year old, smiling and happy.  It was really strange.  Everyone always talks about how kids grow up so fast, etc.  And I have no idea why I imagined her grown up and walking down the aisle, but it happened.  My Lylah-bug... I better treasure every second I have with her.  Sooner than I would like, she will grow up.

How I plan to instill gratitude in Lylah

After posting an article yesterday on instilling gratitude and teaching that to children, I had to brainstorm on how Shannon and I are going to make that happen.  Shannon and I agreed that when we are raising our children, we are not going to spank.  I realize the controversy over this issue, and after she and I have discussed it on several occasions, it was a choice that both of us decided would be best for our family and the way we would like to raise Lylah.

That being said, I feel that the first lesson in gratitude here is our gratitude for our daughter.  I think many parents feel they need to be 'in control' of their child.  When I first started teaching, I was hell-bent on 'controlling' my classroom.  This created fear and tension constantly.  Students knew the rules, and respected me, but it always felt unbalanced.  I wasn't being expressive as a teacher, and my students certainly weren't willing to be expressive around me.  It turns out that there is more to life, and teaching, than fear and intimidation.  For a good learning environment, I believe children must be willing to take risks.  Sometimes they will pan out, and sometimes they won't.  There are lessons to be learned.  But if a child is too scared to take a risk because of fear, then what is childhood?

*that being said, there are times I have to put my foot down hard and make them understand I am not kidding around, or that I mean business, and generally this pulls them right back into line with my expectations.  But because they respect me as being balanced (I believe), they truly feel bad.  I am usually met with many apologies and low shoulders at the end of that conversation.

We respect that Lylah is a young person who will test us, make us crazy, love us, etc., but I feel like spanking her would create confusion and resentment.  Furthermore, I think that she would be confused, and wonder why her parents are hitting her, but she can't hit them back, or why she can't hit other kids.  We would rather just leave the entire question out of the equation.

That is not the only reason we don't spank.  Studies done by credible sources have shown that it does much more harm than good (http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx).  After being teachers, and watching Super Nanny, we have learned several tools in dealing with children that offer many more teaching opportunities than we feel that spanking does.  Super Nanny's timeout technique is pretty much setting the bar for how to teach and discipline children without spanking.

At this point, I realize I am getting wrapped up in the spanking debate.  If you read my blog, know that this is a judgement call based on our personal experiences and research, and how we want to raise our daughter.  

Going back to the gratitude issue - We want to teach and instill in Lylah patience and gratitude, but also leadership and speaking her mind.  I feel the people I trust most in my life have two sides.  They know how to show gratitude and patience, but they also know when to step in and speak their mind with little or no fear.  There is a balance to life.  There are great goods, but also terrible downs.  I hope that Lylah will recognize that this is the essence of living.  I want her to know that we always support her and love her, but that her decisions will make a huge impact on the way she lives her life.  Raising a child seems complicated; however, if you know your own values and know how to express those and teach those, I feel that your child will have a much better understanding of expectations and trust.

That being said, I have also read studies about the genetic component to how a child acts.  Many children grow up into a certain personality type based on their genetics and despite their environment.  

Ultimately, I believe it is our job to shape our child , however they act.  Some children are easier to work with than others.  Some have a moral compass built in and set for good things, but there is still teaching to be done.  Other children come out with challenges and confusion of the world around them.  Either way, I feel it is my job as a parent to teach.  I feel that teaching a child about the world around them will give them a much better shot of being a balanced person willing to contribute to society and have loving and caring experiences.  I may be a big sap, but I want understanding and trust.  I want balance.

A great book to read on parenting is

"Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting"

It's an interesting read about raising a child to be calm, eat well, and be a well-balanced member of society - not the center of everyone's attention.